NRE: what is it?
For those of us lucky enough to have experienced New Relationship Energy (NRE), my urge to share my experience with the world is not surprising.
This energy can show itself differently for everyone. Monogamous folks call it the “ honeymoon phase “. For the polyamorous, it’s the intense initial feelings that come with making an additional connection.
For all folks, it’s when you can’t stop thinking about your new relationship. You feel compelled to impress. You say and show how much you like them. Any flaws appear minor. Your interactions transcend time and space. You are in sync.
For those of us who have experienced it, we have a sense of what it is. And yet each experience is uniquely different.
So unique that in the throes of it, it can feel like the rarest experience.
How can having such a powerful connection feel rare and universal?
Can you feel it?
NRE is universal because we know everyone is capable of feeling it (infatuation, lust, love). We also want everyone to feel it because it is such a wonderful state to be in. In the deepest moments of NRE, the whole world looks different, and food tastes different. The way you view yourself feels different, better. Everything feels better when you are infatuated/in lust/in love.
NRE seems possible for everyone. Anyone of any culture, race, and gender. The capacity to connect with other humans is part of being human.
Hold on!
NRE feels rare because it truly feels like this connection may only happen once or twice in a lifetime.
The monogamous approach to this feeling may be that this may only happen with The One! It may happen with others, let’s be honest, but once you find love you may never get to have NRE again! The stakes are high!
Because the feelings are so intense we think this must be special, and with that preciousness comes the assumption of scarcity. For something to be special, there must only be a select few people or moments that can qualify. And the chances of you and another person(s) finding each other at this place and time seems like it needs the stars to align. Seems rare. Seems unlikely.
Is it possible for something to be special and not be rare?
Can more people be special at the same time?
Could that rarity be manufactured by our reluctance to open up?
We resist allowing* another person to consume us and take over all of our erotic and romantic imagination. How sustainable is that anyway? We may let* someone take over for three months or six months? Surely, the rest of life will have to kick in. Nudge us to snap out of it. So we tell ourselves, this is rare, I’ll see it through because this couldn’t happen again, AND it won’t last!
*some could argue that these intense connections happen to us without our control
Could it be?
This particular partnership and unique connection won’t happen again with anyone else. But a different partnership and connection surely would, if you want it and are open to it. And it could be as special and as intense.
Because we are capable of feeling this way again.
Because after all, NRE is universal!
The rarity of NRE often fuels the intensity. So does its expiry date.
So what?
I want to explore the perspective of (new) relationship energy that does not assume scarcity and includes longevity. I believe that it’s possible that NRE is not necessarily rare, that it’s available to those who are open to it. I also believe that you can experience it with more than one person at the same time (which I have experienced). Finally, I believe it can last or at the very least that NRE doesn’t inevitably end.
Maybe we can intentionally have the relationship energy we want that includes a lot of the features we know and love about NRE.
Maybe New Relationship Energy doesn’t have to be new at all.
